Achieving Food Plan Perfection…Yeah, Right.

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>Throughout my ED career, whether it be in the pitfalls of relapse or the upward crawl towards recovery, I’ve consistently (and constantly) planned the Perfect Food Plan. Daily, I envision that if only I eat this or that and stick to my plan, I’ll feel so much better about myself. Logically, perfectionistic logic that is,… Read more »

The Bumpy Road of Recovery

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>Why is it that every time I work on one part of recovering from the ED, another piece of it tries to seduce me? Of course, the obvious answer is that it’s a mental illness… duh. Technicalities aside, why does it have to happen that way? I mean, I work on not bingeing and purging,… Read more »

“HOW” EDs change

Posted by & filed under powerlessness, recovery, therapy.

>As a person in recovery from a long struggle with bulimia, as well as a person studying to be an addiction specialist, I often ask myself, HOW do eating disordered persons change. I know from my own experience, it has been a long process of small changes over time, which has eventually led to large… Read more »

Living the Dream…

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>Wow, I can’t believe it has been this long since I last posted. I apologize, however, I have a great excuse… I’m in graduate school! I have not had a single moment to do anything outside of studying, attending my internship, and working. Anyhoo… As I sit here, looking out of my 12th-floor apartment window,… Read more »

Living Within the Parameters of Imperfect Abstinence…An Interesting Dilemma

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>When I think of “abstinence,” as I learned in treatment, I think of no sugar, wheat or flour, no restricting, bingeing, or purging, weighing and measuring, following a food plan to the letter, etc. While this was great for me at the time, I eventually began to seek out moderation in my food practices. Moderation… Read more »

Attachments

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>So, this past week, I’ve been so aware of how alone I feel when I’m not around people, not surfing the internet, or not checking my iphone for the umpteenth time. The list goes on and on. Obviously, this is why I clung so tightly to food! Every week, I long for time to myself… Read more »

Wanting to eat, Wanting to not eat, Wanting to purge, Wanting…

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>Here it is, almost 8:00 on Saturday evening. Let me just say right off the bat that I have wanted to binge and purge for hours!! These cravings have not come over me, at this level of intensity, for months–perhaps years!! I want to eat, eat, eat! I want to rid myself of the fears… Read more »

Self Soothing… hard concept for EDs

Posted by & filed under Self-Soothing Is Hard.

>Why, or perhaps I should say, how, is it that the feeling of fear or panic can strike at any moment? One minute I could be at the bookstore having a lovely time admiring and skimming through dozens of books, and the next minute I’m in complete fear. Or, I could be walking down the… Read more »

The Three P’s of Inaction

Posted by & filed under Take the Next Right Action.

>In our session yesterday, my T told me that I was suffering from “The Three P’s”–Perfectionism, Procrastination, and Paralysis. Oh, how right she is. For literally weeks now, I’ve been procrastinating about an article that I’m writing for my school. Typically, I love to write; however, because I will get paid/published for this article, and… Read more »

The Helix of Old Wounds

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>A few months ago, I moved back to NYC. Prior to the move, I’d been telling my therapy group that I knew I’d be getting back into meetings, as the recovery is amazingly strong in the city. Before my arrival, I’d envisioned that when I came back to my “home group” (from 8 years ago),… Read more »